RENAE'S RENEGADES  :-)

Do you see all of these beautiful women?  Only days after my diagnosis--these ladies came together and named themselves "Renae's Renegades" and started an amazing support system.  Look closely at the picture!  Do you see all of their wings?  Look again!  You will see that each one of these amazing women have wings--because they are truly MY ANGELS!  Take a look at the pictures of "The Hat Party"!  And when you see these girls in the days and weeks ahead--grab them and tell them how wonderful they all are!

Surprise!  Let's get this party started!  I must be honest--this was the night after my first "Look Good-Feel Good" makeup class for cancer patients.  Three other women and myself attended the workshop.  I was the only one with hair at the workshop and the youngest.  On my way home, I cried knowing and seeing my future as I sat with them.  I wasn't even sure I was going to make it through this party without tears.  How wrong I was!  I simply forgot that God would bless me and strengthen me through these dear friends of mine.

This is my prayer every day.  That I will be a "survivor".  Joanna made these T-shirts for all of us to proudly wear.  Don't you just love them?  "Renae's Renegades" is printed on the front.  On the back, the name of a Greek goddess and their birthdate.  On the  sleeve--Phillipians 4:13  "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  A perfect combination of strength, power and hope!

Kara graciously opened her home to host this party.  Delicious food was everywhere.  Kara has blessed my life in so many ways.  She is an EARLY riser and many times in the wee hours of the morning when I can't sleep I will check my email and find her already sending me encouraging words to start my day.

While we were eating, laughing and catching up with everyone,  Darla asked her hair dresser to come and put feathers in our hair!  The color?  Bright pink, of course.

There was another reason Darla asked her hairdresser to come to our party.  To cut my hair.  After choosing a wig, I wanted to get my hair cut short and into the same style as the wig.  So, this was not just another haircut--this was the beginning of the process . . . So, when Darla asked me if I was ready to get it cut, I swallowed down a few tears and said yes.  Then I ran around and got pictures with everyone with my long hair.

Darla and I . . . what can I say?  One of my best friends.  We have been through thick and thin.  So many years of friendship.  So many stories.  So much of life shared.  We have cried tears of sadness and cried tears of laughter.  We have pounded the pavement together and road our bikes MANY miles--up some outrageous hills.   Together, side by side.  Now, more than ever.  And she runs really fast, too!

 The Bergey Girls!  Watch out!  When these girls get involved--BIG things happen!  I love them all dearly.  Renita is my spinning gym buddy--she'll make you sweat trying to keep up with her and Jo is my body pump gym buddy.  Ask her how long she can hold a plank!  And don't try to challenge her--you'll be in for a painful treat!  :-)  Glenda is such an encourager to me.  She gave me my first "prayer journal" which is now stuffed with emails, quotes, and verses.  I take it with me to each treatment.  Laura's beautiful heart continues to bless me with her prayers, creativity, and key lime bars!  :-)

My little sis, Karyn.  This dear woman has been to each and every doctor appointment with me--juggling her career and new little one, Abby (six months old) along with my insane number of doctor visits.  She has a PhD in molecular biology so she knows a little bit more than I do about cells, cancer and all that -- so she has patiently explained things over and over to Joel and I.  I think I should have paid more attention in biology when I was in high school but I was too busy checking out the guy that drove the black IROC Z :-) and hairspraying my BIG hair!

Another dear best friend, Cheryl.  We have just enjoyed raising our kids together.  Making memories.  Laughter and tears.  Treasuring life and all that it brings.  Cheryl is one of the purest women I know.  Believing the best in everyone.  She has an inner strength and beauty that is unmatched.  And Kristin, another dear friend--has filled my life with encouragement, laughter and joy!

Sabrina and Heidi--my sisters.  Yes, they really are my sister-in-laws but we've been together for a long time and they have truly become my sisters!  I've known Heidi since she was 8 and we played Duck Hunt the first time I met her!  These ladies have enriched my life in so many ways.  Joel and I have the greatest memories with Troy and Sabrina--backpack trips through Alaska, hitchhiking, Red Lake fishing trips, OBX and Florida beach trips.  So much of life has been enjoyed with these women!
And we have walked difficult roads--together--just like now--supporting each other any way we can.

I simply must include my sister, Anita in this group of my ANGELS.  She is my big sis and lives in Illinois with her husband Gene and her four children.  She is my biggest cheerleader and prayer warrior.  Praying me through when I have no prayers left.  Telling me to hang on with "grim determination".  To never stop believing, hoping and persevering.  Always believing there is hope and light around the next corner.

And I must include another wonderful friend, Cindy.  Another prayer warrior and encourager.  She has blessed my life in so many ways and continues to do this each and every day.

Here are some hat pictures.  I have so many to choose from.  If anyone out there needs a hat, please call me!  I'm sure I have something wonderful to choose from.  It's one thing to try a hat on with hair--another thing altogether without!  I'm nervous about losing it, but feel it is just one more step closer to getting to making it through.

As I am writing this, my hair is beginning to "thin".  That sounds better than "falling out"--doesn't it?  When I run my fingers through my hair they are covered in loose hair.  It's all very unbelievable.  I don't even use a comb right now, because I can't imagine how much would come out if I started to comb through it.  One woman told me this:

"Losing your hair will be the last of the firsts."

I thought this was very profound.  There have been so many firsts--first time I heard the word cancer, first time I needed surgery, first pathology report, first time seeing my name and clinical diagnosis:  breast cancer written on a piece of paper, first time wig shopping, first time seeing a port in my body, first chemo treatment.  I feel like I have been climbing mountain after mountain.  The hair loss feels like the last one to get over before I can see the other side.

So many meaningful gifts. . . .

A hand-knitted hat called "Seeds of Courage"where different stitches represent 

the steps of conquering cancer.

Here is a gift from all of the girls:  A Trollbeads bracelet.  It is a charm bracelet, of sorts, where beads can be added.  Each bead has a sentiment/thought attached to it making it more meaningful.  Every time I have a chemo treatment the girls add one or two beads.  It is becoming more beautiful all the time.  It started off as a simple silver bracelet and now is filled with color and beauty and depth that it did not have before.  I hope my life will be just like this bracelet after cancer.

A painting from Aunt Jan entitled "Precious Lord Take My Hand".  She painted this in the early hours of the morning.  How fitting since this is the time when fear most often creeps into my mind and I lay awake thinking of the future.  Jan's painting looks beautiful hanging above my bed so every time I walk into my room I am reminded to do just that--take God's hand.


After the party, I sent these amazing women this email (I hope they don't mind me sharing):

I have another picture of us. . . .(bear with me, here we go again). . . 

Remember the story of Peter walking on the water?  Well, here's my version. . . 

It's late at night.  Dark and stormy.  The water around our boat is deep, dark, sinister, swirling.  Big waves.  Lots of wind.  We can't see shore (which has me worried, because I'm NOT a swimmer! :-)  We can't even hear ourselves talking.  We look out across the water and there is God.  He has pointed at me to come to him.  I REALLY don't want to go.  But, somehow know that I must.  He's not looking like the regular "Jesus"--flowing robes, sandals, etc.  He looks like my "coach".  Baseball hat on backwards--under armour shorts, sweaty T-shirt.  He's telling me all the things our instructors tell us at spin class.  You can do it!  Just a little longer!  You are strong!  You're almost there!  Push Harder!  And above all, He's looking into my eyes and saying--Watch me!  Keep your eyes on me!  I, of course, keep glancing around at the water swirling at my feet, the waves, the wind.  He keeps pulling me back--Watch me!  Keep Focused!  You can do it.  Walk this path!

And, so I step out of the boat.  And, to be honest, I'm scared to death.  I'm sinking.  Panicked.  But I keep my eyes GLUED to Him.  Except that I hear crazy splashing behind me.  And, so I turn around for just a minute.  And this is what I see. .. .

None of you are in the boat anymore!  You have all jumped into the stormy sea with me.  And it's not me alone out there trying to make it across--you girls have got my back.  And shouts of encouragement fill my heart instead of fear.  So, I turn back to God.  Focus my eyes on Him and with grim determination I start walking.  Knowing that you all are there, with me, every step of the way.  

So, thank you, for everything last night.  It was wonderful and it will be a moment in my life that I treasure for ALWAYS!  I love each one of you!  Renae

                                                     TOGETHER WE ARE STRONG. . . .