FEBRUARY 21 FIRST CHEMO TREATMENT

Scary.  That about sums things up.  I can't begin to describe the emotions of this day.  To feel absolutely healthy and strong and to walk into this room to have toxins put into every cell of my body seems so wrong in so many ways.  It is all so unbelieveable. . . .

We have made the decision to go with Dr. Kevin Fox at the University of Pennsylvania.  I will need 16 weeks of chemo and 4-6 weeks of radiation treatments after that.  I receive my treatments every other week--for a total of 8 treatments.  For all of you medical buffs--I am receiving Adriamycin and Cytoxan for the first 4 treatments and Taxal and Herceptin for the last 4 treatments.  If you notice in the picture the medication is put through my body with a port (up towards my shoulder) instead of through an IV in my arm.  The port is under my skin and had to be surgically placed.  I was really resisting the port initially, but after doing much research, decided that this might be the better way to go.  I was very nervous about using it for the first time, but all went well.

When I go down for my treatments, I meet with my doctor and nurse practitioner who are in charge of my treatment.  We discuss side effects, questions, etc.  After that, they test my blood to be sure platelets and white/red cell counts are strong enough.  I was very apprehensive about the unknowns of the treatment, but was pleasantly surprised when I found out that when I receive my treatments I am in a large, private room with a huge window looking outside.  There is a recliner and plenty of room for visitors.  The nurses are wonderful and do everything in their power to make it a comfortable experience.  There is a kitchen with snacks and drinks down the hall and the nurses quickly brought me blankets and pillows and drinks to make it through.  There were very many tears this day and every nurse understood.  I was so tired once I was settled in because I only slept a couple hours the night before.  Joel and my sister, Karyn and I had lunch while my treatments were given.  The infusions took about 1 1/2 hours.  First, I was given a naseous reducing medication and then the two chemo drugs.  The one chemo medication is in a large syringe and bright red in color.  I watched it work its way through the tubing and enter my chest for the first time.  Talk about an unforgettable moment!  Deep sigh. . . .

The doctor said I would probably feel the worst a day or two after the treatment.  He also said that the chemo is "cumulative"--meaning it will get worse before it gets better.  As my body receives more chemo the side effects become more pronounced as the weeks go on.  This week I did great.  Felt good every day and did not suffer from nauseousness at all.  I was more tired than usual, but able to be up and around like normal.  Each morning I would wake and cautiously swing my feet over the side of the bed.  Then slowly stand.  And after telling myself all was well--would start getting the kids ready for school.  Every day comes with an unknown--not sure what each hour will bring.  But thanking God for feeling good for these first two weeks.  One treatment down--7 more to go.  Already dreading March 6.

LACE UP YOUR SNEAKERS AND COME AND RUN!

As many of you already know--I enjoy exercising!  One of the biggest accomplishments of 2011 was to run my first marathon in Washington DC.  Darla and I both did well and we qualified to run in the Boston Marathon this coming April.  We signed up in October.  Little did I know, that I would be running a totally different marathon in the coming months than what I signed up for.  The Boston Marathon will not happen for me this year but hopefully another.  Darla better run really fast for the both of us!


I'm hoping many of you will join us for a run on Mother's Day at the Susan B Komen Race in Philadelphia.  If you are interested in donating money or to actually sign up to run you can do so by clicking on the link on the right hand side of the blog.  If you want to register and join our team "Renae's Renegades"  you should follow these instructions:

1.  Click on "Join an Existing Team"
2.  Click on "Team Name:  Renae's Renegades"
3.  Team Division:  Family and Friends

Any questions, contact Darla Bergey.

Here's a little story about our marathon experience.  Darla--being the goal oriented one of us--committed to the race months before and started training diligently.  I, on the other hand, was very unsure of running that far.  26 miles?  That's insane.  But, the more miles I conquered, the more the little voice in my head said "go for it."  So I signed up--3 weeks before the marathon.  No real runner does that!  :-)

The night before the race I could barely sleep.  Tossing, turning, rolling around, troubled.  What in the world did I get myself into?  And, finally at the break of dawn, got up and started getting ready.  Finally found Mark and Darla in the sea of runners and waited for the start.  Before we knew it, we were off.

Joel and Mark had their bikes and were planning to ride ahead of us, stop, cheer us on and continue this until we reached the finish line.  But, it's very difficult to find one runner in a group of 10,000.  I was searching for Joel mile after mile, but soon gave up on finding him.  Darla and I later found out that Mark and Joel were enjoying coffee and morning snacks after they gave up looking for us. Our question?  How long were they really looking?  :-)

I told myself to "settle in" and "keep running".  Mile after mile--"just keep running".  The crowd cheering from the sides was an incredible positive lift.  At mile 14--I saw Joel on his bike!  He yelled to me and started riding by my side.  Here I was running down the interstates of DC with Joel riding his bike right next to me!  It was hilarious!  He was right with me--encouraging me, laughing with me, giving me my stats, the entire second half of the race.

As I look back on that experience, I am astounded at how many similarities and metaphors can be made with the race I am running now.  Joel is still riding his bike by my side.  Now, more than ever.  The crowd that lined DC's interstates is now all of you.  Cheering, encouraging, praying, bringing meals, writing cards, emails, texts, praying me through, loving us, remembering me, reminding me to stay strong, urging me to push harder, to hang on, to keep focused on God.  And even though I hate the road I am on, I will try to finish well.  Thank you all for helping us to run this race!

Wig Shopping
Of all the things I thought I would do in my life, going to the "wig salon" in the cancer center of Doylestown hospital was NOT on my list.  But, life has a way of surprising us.  So, this Monday Darla and I headed over to check out this place.  As we drove over, we talked about how we have done many things together, lived through many things we would have rather not, and have so many wonderful and wacky memories together--this would be just one more to add to our list.  I was afraid I would completely lose it emotionally when we walked into the shop--but I vowed to be strong (this usually doesn't help very much).  :-)   We walked into Hair Alternatives and met Andrea and started delving into hair loss.

We asked all kinds of weird questions.  What does it feel like when your hair falls out?  Does it come out slowly or in clumps?  How long after my first treatment until it begins to fall out?  Where do I go to get my head shaved?  Does it hurt?  Itch?  Will my head be cold?  How do you put a wig on?  Do you shampoo it?  Curl it?  Hairspray it?  Does it blow off in a strong wind?  Should I moisturize my bald head?  When will my eyebrows and eyelashes fall out?  When does my hair start growing again?  

These wigs are great.  They look perfect all the time.  Every hair just falls into place.  It looks better than my real hair!
This would be a great way to figure out a new haircut.  Try it on first!

I love this picture with the price tag attached to my hair and the "oncology" sign in the background.  Tells the real story.  Andrea wanted me to walk out of the shop into the lobby to see the real color of the wigs in natural lighting.  People focused on me as they came into the lobby.  Some just stared.  Others smiled and said, "It looks great!"  I guess I better get used to the looks and the questions in their eyes.

Who is this person?  I can barely recognize myself.  I've said this many times over the past weeks.  Not being able to fathom that this is my life and this is the road I'm on.  What happened to the other Renae?  I want her back so badly I could weep.  

Having some fun trying to be a blonde!  I think I could pass as a country singer.  I really wanted to get this wig so I could go out to dinner with Joel looking like this!

One of these wigs will soon be mine.  I survived this day much better than I thought I would.  Guess I better enjoy my real hair for as long as I've got it!

Here are the three reasons why I will fight so hard against this cancer.  Dylan, Connor and Kenzie.  I love them to pieces.  Don't they look so well behaved in this picture?  :-)

Dylan is 12 and is in 7th grade.  He is an excellent student, enjoys snowboarding, plays many sports and turns 13 very soon.  A teenager!

Connor is 10 and is in 5th grade.  He is a great student, as well.  Enjoys snowboarding, plays lot of sports like his brother and plays the bass clarinet.

Kenzie is 7 and is in first grade.  Her teacher loves having her in class and she is becoming quite the reader and writer and math girl!  She enjoys gymnastics and soccer and is looking forward to playing basketball soon.

We are funny, quirky, and a bit odd at times--but we are a family.  Joel and I thank God every day for blessing our lives with Dylan, Connor and Kenzie.  "Our family is a circle of love.  Together we are unbreakable."  FAMILY IS FOREVER!

The Story Begins . . .

My name is Renae.  I'm 41 years old and I am in the best shape of my life.  I have a wonderful husband, Joel, and 3 kids--Dylan (age 12), Connor (age 10) and Kenzie (age 7).  On December 14, 2011 I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  The two words that will forever change my life.

Here's the simple story . . .
I felt a lump in my right breast.  Went to my OBGYN and was scheduled for a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound.  At that appointment, they found the lump and calcifications.  I was sent to see a surgeon and on December 14, they took out both the lump and the calcifications.  Soon after I recovered from the anesthesia, my doctor came out and delivered the news--cancer.  We headed home with heavy hearts and many tears.

After the initial pathology report came back, I was scheduled for a lumpectomy and lymph node biopsy.  During this surgery they would take out more tissue surrounding the original lump to make sure the margins were clear and they would test my lymph nodes to see if the cancer had spread.

On January 4, 2012 I went back into surgery for the lumpectomy and lymph node biopsy.  We were all praying that the reports would come back positive and that the lymph nodes would be clear.  After surgery the doctor reported that the lymph nodes were clear and we thanked God for answered prayer.  Little did we know what was around the next corner.

On January 20 I was back in my surgeon's office for an incision check.  It was at this point that he told Joel and I that there had been a mistake by the pathologists.  When my slides and records were sent to University of Pennsylvania they found cancer cells in one of my lymph nodes.  I was devastated.  This was truly the most difficult day of my life.  In the doctor's office I could not talk--just covered my face with my hands while Joel tried to ask questions and figure out how something like this could happen.  I came home and sobbed.  How could this be happening to me?  How could this be my life?

On January 23 we went to see Dr. Kevin Fox at University of Pennsylvania for a second opinion.  His treatment plan?  16 weeks of chemo and 4-6 weeks of radiation.  Tough words to hear.

I wanted one more opinion.  We will be going to Fox Chase to meet with Lori Goldstein and hear her treament plan.  We are hoping that both suggested treatments will be similiar.  Then we will decide between the two cancer centers and get this ball rolling.  It will truly be the hardest year of my life.